Confessions from Facebook Fools

duhhWhen I was a kid there was no internet. Ok, so that makes me older  than 25. Yes, I read books back then. Today many kids don’t know what a book is for. They have seen them, but rarely pick one up and instead head for the XBox or computer. A few days ago, I thought I overheard a kid say “I read a word in a book once”, but most likely that was just a mumbler with a bad East London accent (though it could be true, in the area I live in).

I got into a fair amount of trouble when I was a kid, sure, and I did lots of stupid and crazy things. But no matter how much of a stupid or borderline-outlaw I was occasionally, I always tried to cover my tracks. It’s not like I was a really BAD kid, but what I got up to sometimes wouldn’t make a lot of parents happy (unless maybe they were Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne).
Did you notice here how I conveniently left out any reference to any of the aforementioned acts? There is a statute of limitations on most things, sure, but why take chances? They always threatened me at my school that my “permanent record” would follow me for the rest of my life. (I have tried to obtain  a copy of this record, but no one can tell me who actually has it).

But enter Facebook, that icon of social networking. Your new “permanent record”. All your silliness recorded and displayed for everyone to see. Forever. The website every kid wants a page on by the time they are 8. Everyone is doing it. Even grandmas and convicted felons doing 30 years for murder.
I discovered it years ago as the best free marketing platform on the internet (if you know how and what to use it for). But as with all things internet, people are using it for whatever purpose suits them, getting highly addicted, and posting more and more stupid inane things everyday.

This week in the UK, a 16-year-old got into a bit of trouble and may face jail after he confessed on Facebook to flooding Portsmouth’s public library. Not exactly a “little” prank, this literary terrorist did something like £150,000 in damage after he blocked all the water passages in a restroom using toilet rolls and switched on all the taps, soaking the floors and ruining loads of books (see, I told you kids today are afraid of books).  He was later asked by friends, probably as dumb as he, on his facebook page if he did it. Of course he admitted to doing it. He wasn’t smart enough to just tell his friends and impress them of his naughty deeds. He wrote: “Kind of, yeah. I’ve kept it to myself. A few mates know” (Now everyone in the world knows, stupid.) Bet he wishes he never signed up for that page now.

Then there is the story of a stupid freshman in an American high school that posted a ‘hit list’ on Facebook which gratefully lead to his expulsion.
The list included 30 names of students and staff members that he wished to see dead. Stupidity? For sure. This is probably not the kid you want to get mad at you. But at least he had the foresight to tell the world before he took any action. It’s far to easy to get a gun in America and this kid sounds a bit nuts.

For most people in school it is difficult to get noticed or become “one of the chosen ones” (ie. popular for no specific reason) but these days kids are often posting alternative lives online so that they look ultra cool (or slutty or fun or whatever). It seems to be all the rage for young girls to post half-naked and highly suggestive photos on their Facebook profile, even though they are nothing like that in person. I suppose they think they get popular all of a sudden because they are so very very nice. There is even a group called “6th graders that take slutty pics”, I kid you not. And while there are no pics there as of yet, they seem to love to admit that they do this. (see here) Click thru to Kelsey Anne, posted on the news page (who seems to be proud of posting slutty pics/being a slut) and even though her page is open to friends only, her main photo seems to suggest to all the world that her current claim to fame is true.  *** (Update 27th April – Kelsey Anne changed her pic, maybe due to an increase in mail)

There is yet another group called “Hate getting caught watching porn”(another example) This group has 61 members and the description of the group says “Dont you just hate it when your watching a great HD 21 minute porno and your parents ruin the party by walking in? Show your support for this issue faced by teenagers worldwide.” Yeah, like join straight away! Tell your friends, your friends’ parents, your teachers or anyone that gives a shit that not only do you love porn, but have been stupid enough to have been caught watching it– by your parents no less. You wanker.

But this total lack of intelligence is not only displayed by the young and foolish. There are adults that complain about their jobs online, only to have their boss read it (see photo above) and lose their job the next day; or there are those who make inane threats against people. The latter is the same in most countries as actually making a threat face to face and it can land you in jail. But it doesn’t stop there.

Take the bright teacher’s assistant in Ohio who wanted to be a cool mom. She thought she would be really cool if she let three teenage cheerleaders (who were students at the school where she worked and probably love to post slutty pics) to drink in her basement with her teenage son. Of course pictures of the party made their way onto Facebook and were discovered by the schools Big Brother Internet Team who regularly act as undercover intelligence agents scanning students’ accounts. (yes, kids, your schools are watching you) She was busted and sentenced to 30 days in jail, a $500 fine, 10 days of trash pickup and three years of probation that prohibits her from drinking alcohol or having it in her house. Silly mom, silly kids. (and no glass of wine with dinner for years to come)

But by far the dumbest of all has to be the Facebook Addicts that can’t even burgle a house without logging in. A bumbling burglar in Rome logged in mid-heist to post a few messages on his Facebook wall but forgot to log out before he left. Duhh! Of course they tracked him down, and of course he had no idea how. Come siete stupidi? Another would-be burglar made the same mistake West Virginia. The silly thief stole diamond rings but left the homeowners computer logged into his Facebook account. Cops simply followed the virtual trail and arrested him. Double duhh.

So is there a moral to this story? You tell me. But remember whatever you post in your reply can be read by anyone for the rest of time …..
Post away!

Help keep us writing. You don’t need all that money anyway

And for those of you that feel you need to stultify us with mind-numbing status update news ~ please read this

Bonus ~ This idiot went and posted a pic of himself after looting during the London Child riots :: Bad news for him (well, he IS an idiot) but good news for me as it makes my Google rankings go up.


7 thoughts on “Confessions from Facebook Fools

  1. Pingback: Is the World Getting Dumber? With Bonus Blog “Petty Crime By The Intellectually Challenged” « Last exit to reality

    • Yeah… I remember being so scared as a kid when the school principal told me that “this is on your permanent record”. Took me years to find out there was no such thing. Now that threat is real!

  2. I’ve heard plenty of stories about thieves and burglars logging in at houses, but I hadn’t heard about the Portsmouth Flooder. Police are quick to take the credit whenever our levels of crime begin to fall, but it’s clearly the increasing stupidity of our country’s criminals that’s the cause. It’s surely a good thing for our country, after all, it means more prosecutions. But for humanity in general, it’s a sad fact that some people think it logical to log into a global site at a crime scene.

    Still, for all the shit Facebook harbors, and for all I hate it, it does conjure some hilarity every now and again.


  3. I love social media – and can never resist laughing at those who have no clue about how to use it without opening unwanted doors to their personal lives…thank you for such wicked writing!

  4. Great post. While Facebook is indeed a great platform to advertise yourself, it’s also important to be aware of the digital fingerprint that you leave.

    Great post, I agree with the points you made especially about the books.

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