It Just Has To Be True


Without a doubt it has happened to everyone. You come across a post on Facebook that just sounds too stupid to be real. Common sense kicks in and you realize that it would be impossible for the earth to go completely dark for 6 days. Well, that is what should happen, right? The unfortunate problem is that for many people, it just doesn’t and they then go and propagate the hoax, making others believe it and making themselves look pretty stupid.

Earth-6-days-darkness-december-2014If you read it on the internet, it must be true, or so they say. Consider this; “NASA Confirms Earth Will Experience 6 Days of Total Darkness in December”. Within about 3 seconds of rational thought you can discount this as pure bullshit. But a lot of people dropped off their ‘rational thought’ at the cleaners years ago and never picked it up. Even if you were born under a rock and schooled at Dimwit Primary School, one would assume that if you are using the internet that you could do a simple search to verify this kind of story. Try typing “NASA confirms” into your search bar.

Hoaxes are not new to the world, but the fact that everyone has access to Photoshop and a computer means that there is much more out there. The fact that the world has gotten just a little stupider means that there are way more gullible people. In the old days (meaning prior to the internet age) people went to great lengths to make up a hoax. Many times it was to try and make some money. Other times to get a little bit of fame or just for the hell of it.

Our team at Last Exit To Reality have scoured the files of old buildings and dusty hallways to find you some of the best hoaxes ever puled off. Then we did an online search for some other dumb hoaxes that are making the rounds today. You, the reader, can decide which are stupider.

The Book Of Mormon
Don’t even get me started on religion. In the first place, I think a lot of it is made up, but really I would just go on for hours about it and piss people off. But the “Book Of Mormon” has been proven to be a hoax, perpetrated by a certain Joseph Smith, supposedly a poor country boy that was actually a well educated young man. The story goes that Jesus visited him in 1820, yet he never mentioned it to anyone until 18 years later. Maybe he forgot. Even his own mother disputed the story. There are so many holes in his story that it isn’t even funny.
He was given groovy spectacles and sacred tablets on that fateful day which he translated with the help of the glasses. Unfortunately, he had to give them back to god, so there is no evidence. He claimed there were once huge cities all over North America (thousands of years ago) that had plants and animals that had never even been seen in the new world. There is not one shred of archaeological data to back this up, in fact it has become a bit of an embarrassment for the church. Other religions have archaeological sites that seem to back up some of the claims. The Mormons, none.
Then there are the famous plates. Some farmers in Kinderhook, Illinois created a hoax in 1843 and made up some copper plates which they claimed contained ancient writings. They planted them in an Indian burial mound and some time later dug them up again. When Smith saw them, he immediately “translated” part of them, which he claimed identified the writings as from “a descendant of Ham, through the loins of Pharaoh…”. For many years, the church claimed that these plates were authentic ancient writings, in spite of the fact that the farmers later admitted the hoax and after resorting to more and more implausible and desperate arguments, the church flip-flopped and now admits that the plates are phony. Despite the fact that this has all been proven untrue, millions still believe it. One even ran for president.
Next time a couple of guys on bikes wearing suits that are 40 years out of date knock on your door, ask them about the book of Abraham and watch them squirm.

The Loch Ness Monster
220px-Hoaxed_photo_of_the_Loch_Ness_monsterNo one knows if there is some kind of prehistoric creature living at the bottom of the loch. But if there were, it probably would have been caught by now. The story actually dates back to the 6th or 7th century (depending on your source) and was probably thought up by some ancient Picts trying to keep the English out of Scotland.
In 1933 it was all of a sudden spotted again by lots of people (must have been a good year) and one year later the famous photo was published in The London Daily mail. As it turned out, it was a hoax created by a disgruntled ex-employee. Over the years many people made fake Nessie’s and released the pics, but all were revealed as hoaxes. Nevertheless, the area still attracts tourists hoping to catch a glimpse of the creature

The Cardiff Giant
postcard2The most famous Hoax in the history of America that fooled scientists, scholars and learned men from all over the world. It all started when a poor tobacconist got into an argument with a fundamentalist preacher. The preacher quoted the bible, claiming that giants once walked the earth. So this guy, George Hull, constructed a giant out of stone and had it buried for a year. He went to great lengths to make it look real, even though the face on the ‘giant’ resembled his. Later, it was ‘dug up’ as the owner of the land where it was buried ostensibly needed a well dug. It became an overnight hit, with the syndicate (the 4 involved in the hoax) making a small fortune. Scientists came and poked at it, scholars ogled and eventually the whole thing wound up in court as PT Barnum was trying to pull of his own copy of it as the real thing. It was later admitted to be a hoax. It still attracts visitors where it lies in the Cooperstown museum.

Pitdown Man
The U.K.’s version of the Cardiff Giant, only this time a bit more scholarly. At the time of Pitdown man’s discovery, very few fossils of humans had been found and none at all on English soil. This was a hoax that lasted nearly 40 years and yet no one knows who actually started it by putting the bones and teeth there. But in 1912, the scientific community was thrilled that the missing link between humans and apes would have been a white British guy and not an African. Many people were skeptical but it was not until many years later that advances in science and date testing proved it all to be one big hoax. This was supposed to have proven Darwin’s theory but it turned out to be a joke. As more and more fossils were discovered around the world, the Pitdown Man became less plausible.

The FeeJee Mermaid
1842real_feejeeThis little monstrosity came about when a guy called Samuel Barrett Edes bought it from Japanese sailors in 1822. it was displayed in London that same year. It was willed to his to his son, who sold it to Moses Kimball in 1842. Kimball brought the Fiji Mermaid to New York that summer to show P. T. Barnum. After that, Barnum (of ‘there is a sucker born every minute’ fame) concocted an elaborate plan to get people to come see it at his shows. It supposedly burned in a fire in the late 1860’s after it really pissed off a group of people in The Southern states. It was apparently made by an Indonesian guy many years before out of the torso and head of a juvenile monkey sewn to the back half of a fish. It was very cleverly made and people back then were stupid. But read on, people are still quite stupid today it seems.

And just as for the sake of science, lets compare those elaborate hoaxes to what is going around on the internet these days. Try to get through all of these before the 6 days of total darkness in December, as supposedly the earth will cool down so much that we will all die.

Starbucks Coffee Contains Semen
imagesThis beauty has been making the rounds lately, and it comes from a clearly satirical site, yet people still believe it. One supposed customer in the article even says “if they’re using semen then they should keep using it because it’s so God damn good, I might just try semen alone to see if it’s that good”. One would think that any reasonably sane person would, if not recognize the satire, then at least check it online. I mean, semen in all of their coffee? Really, what… do they hire a team of avid masturbators? Read the article here.

KFC raises Mutant Chikcens
mutant-chicken-final-copy-1Supposedly, the US government forced Kentucky Fried Chicken to change their name as the ‘chicken’ that they were using was now grown artificially. The rumor has it that KFC does not use real chickens. They actually use genetically manipulated organisms. These so called “chickens” are kept alive by tubes inserted into their bodies to pump blood and nutrients throughout their structure. They have no beaks, no feathers, and no feet. Their bone structure is dramatically shrunk to get more meat out of them. This is great for KFC because they do not have to pay so much for their production costs. There is no more plucking of the feathers or the removal of the beaks and feet. The government has told them to change all of their menus so they do not say chicken anywhere.
Really? Rational thought once again. KFC changed their name for marketing reasons and they don’t ‘raise their chickens’ any more than Mcdonalds raise their own cattle.

So you decide. Is it just that people have become even less savvy than their counterparts in 1875? Or is it because they want to believe drivel because their lives have become so mundane? Try not to confuse satire with hoax and just because your friends believe it, doesn’t mean that you have to also.

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