And the saga continues…..
First of all, if you are not familiar with Pippa and her famous bum, then you should go here to do your research. Honestly though, If you haven’t heard some reference to this supposedly amazing ass then you must be living under a rock in Meshchovsk, Russia and probably don’t have any internet connection. In which case you would not be reading this, so the last sentence or two were unimportant. See how good I am at filling up space with useless words?
Anyway, I say “supposedly” because very few people have actually ever seen it in full, and those that have aren’t talking. It’s always wrapped in a dress or bikini, hidden away, like it is some “I am almost a royal” treasure. It’s not all that great of a bum anyway. In fact, if you google “nice ass” for images, you will get something like 21,400,000 results in 0.20 seconds, none of which are Pippa’s.
So why the obsession? God knows. She isn’t even a royal, not yet anyway, as she can’t actually now go on to marry a totally anonymous guy that repairs refrigerators or something. She has to marry someone famous now. She actually works as a party planner, planning weddings and such for rich people. She also writes for her online party planner magazine. Not exactly the stuff legends are made of. But she can, literally, always fall back on her now world-famous “Pippa Ass”. Maybe she could start a line of underwear, maybe seat cushions. The mind boggles at the possibilities.
But now cashing in on the almost royal (but actually just average) bum is big business. There are cosmetic surgeons that can sculpt you the perfect little Pippa bum in the form of “Pippa posterior treatments” and now Pippa Middleton’s curves will soon be available to all without the surgery after her Pilates coach signed a book deal following a fierce bidding war. Margot Campbell, who runs the Pilates on the Go studio in West London, has been credited with helping Pippa get her ass in shape for the royal wedding last May. Pippa herself has even written a glowing testimonial on the Go Studio website. (Could there be some kickbacks here?)
It is not clear whether Ms Middleton’s ass will feature in the book, but Pippa fans worldwide are hoping so. Her ass ALONE has over 2 million fans on Facebook. That’s a bestseller in the making. And you can bet your ass that Pippa fans will flock to bookstores to get their hands on a copy when it comes out in January next year. Suddenly everyone will be vying for a Pippa endorsement. Fact is, Soon I too will be a beneficiary of the Pippa craze.
Pippa has even been offered to do a porn scene. Vivid Video has made a $5 million offer to Pippa Middleton to appear in one scene in an upcoming movie and another $1 million to her brother James to appear in a separate scene. Steven Hirsch, CEO of Vivid, wrote to Pippa and said “For just one explicit scene I would be pleased to offer you $5 million and, of course, you would have a choice of partners. If you would like to bring your brother James along, he could appear in a separate scene for $1 million. I hope you will give this offer serious consideration and I look forward to hearing from you.”