Stuffed Animal Toy Attacks On The Rise

Police and emergency services in Britain have issued a warning to all stuffed animal toy owners that they should be more vigilant and aware of possible menacing behavior from their furry friends. This comes after a rash of attacks by fluffy playthings in recent months.
Just yesterday, a member of the public in Hampshire spotted a stuffed tiger hiding in a field, through the zoom of a camera lens.

He alerted police who deployed a helicopter with specialist thermal imaging cameras over the field, near Hedge End. They were armed with tranquilizer darts just in case the stuffed animal proved vicious. And even though it turned out to be soft and cuddly, police were taking no chances. “We decided to stop play at the Rose Bowl cricket ground for 20 minutes” said one officer, “and we brought in an animal specialist from the Marwell Zoo.” Golfers at County Golf Club were also escorted from the course. “Rumors came round that there was a tiger on the golf course and we just carried on playing until a policeman came over and told us to clear the area” said one golf fan. “I was taking no chances though, as my daughter was attacked by her paddington bear last month.”

Officers discovered it was probably not going to attack them after it rolled over in the down draft from the police helicopter. “Many of these stuffed animals are actually really quite friendly” said one officer, “but it pays to be vigilant.”

The tiger in question is now being held at the RSPCSA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Stuffed Animals) and will be kept for 3 months. If unclaimed, it will be put down humanely.

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If you don’t believe that the cops actually spent their time stalking a stuffed toy then you can always check the alternative news. (But we suggest you get your news from us.)

And for those of you that found this by search engine words like “animal porn” “stuffed animal porn” and  “fluffy animal porn”, well, wrong site, but I hope you enjoyed your visit. (These are actual search engine terms people used and ended up here)


2 thoughts on “Stuffed Animal Toy Attacks On The Rise

    • It’s not pretty, so if you are eating dinner, don’t read :: The stuffing is removed and the eyes popped out for later transplants on VERY wealthy peoples stuffed toys.

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